I recently found a play that I had written when I was 16. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten it. I remember being so proud of myself once I had finished it, I even gave it a soundtrack. I always thought I would be a writer, and now I am...kinda.
I'm Cee - a thirty-something year old mother, wife and freelance business psychologist who was lost but is now closer than ever to being found.
For years, I had struggled with feeling like a creative, but not necessarily being able to express myself creatively. My first degree was in Law and I was all set to become a hot shot human rights lawyer, until I realised that I didn't really like other lawyers. Awkward. So, I took some time out and fell into occupational psychology. Still helping people, but in a very different way. I have been fortunate enough to work with a number of fabulous organisations and I have truly enjoyed adding value and improving people's working lives.
My career progressed well for a number of years and I had two children along the way. However, I was always conscious that, after each return to work, I felt less competent, both in my job and as a mother, and more like I wanted to not be running around like a headless chicken, tag-teaming with my husband to cover what seemed like EVERYTHING, then spending all my money on childcare and missing school assemblies. So, in 2016, when I happened to be made redundant, I took the opportunity to be that creative person that I had always wanted to be. I set up an Instagram account, not really knowing what it was going to be about and I started a blog, Hey...is that me? (I guess the clue is in the name). I started writing again, but had no idea whether anyone would be bothered to read what I wrote. Well, they did and I kept on writing. And I loved it again.
I get my blog material from my life. I've written about everything from my daughter being the only Black girl in her school year, to my anxiety about not being able to pass my Nigerian culture down to my kids, to going camping, to reasons why my next child needs to be a boy, to how I knew Brexit would happen. Pretty eclectic. Through all of it, although I by no means speak for all Black mothers, I want to get a Black mother's perspective out there. It's important for me to represent Black motherhood in a positive way. It's important for me to be heard. It's important for me to give other Black mothers a voice and to promote what they do. It's important for me to help to change the narrative.
A year ago, I made the decision to become freelance rather than go back to full-time employment. It's been hard, but it works for us as a family. I've also cut my seven-year old dreadlocks off, won a coaching session with the very lovely Johanna Rossi (which quite possibly changed my life), started an interview series on my blog featuring inspirational, Black women, collaborated with a number of other bloggers and Instagrammers (because there is actually a genuine community on Instagram), made some new #IRL friends AND gone to more school assemblies than I could ever imagine! Oh, and I've also worked for weeks at a time, without a break, because, as a freelancer, I'm still getting my head around the fact that I don't know when the work will dry up. So, while it's there, I have to grab it. I'm navigating this freelance life and I'm confident that it will become easier as it becomes my norm.
I want to leave a legacy for my girls. I want to show them that they should always pursue their dreams. I want to make them proud. I want to make me proud.